When Dad saved me with a Slap...

Exactly 3 years ago, an incident happened to me which became one of the most important lessons of my life! 

I'm in a mood this morning to write a reaaaally long post now, so be prepared to read a kinda mini book!! ;) 

Beyond Barriers... to me is like a temple, a platform to promote good human values and give readers something sweet and nice to read about making them feel good. But since I've changed the tag line of this blog from "expression of imagination" to "diary of my life", I guess I can share everything from my life - both the good and the bad. Here is a bad experience from my life.

Normally, I am very polite, well mannered decent guy with lots of patience, perseverance and endurance. But if somebody messes with me or my family, I can be the worst person they'll ever meet.

Yes, I can be aggressive, may be it'll be hard for my readers to believe this, but I am just as human as anyone else, I have my negatives but I am willing to overcome them. Though the writer in me is emotional and nice at heart, if someone misbehaves with me, they'd unleash the lion in me. 

Yes, you read it right, I said 'lion', cause lion is my most favourite animal since childhood, I grew up believing I have the heart of a lion and need not fear anything in the world. If I was not born a human, I'd rather be a lion in a dense forest. I believe there is a lion in everyone of us, some realize it, some don't.

I moved to England in Jan 2011, it'll soon be 3 years in this country and I've never visited home(India) in these three years. I love this place, people and everything about Britain. Lots of friends made, learned a lot of lessons, turned wiser with experiences, visited many lovely places, cities, beaches, etc had a lot of fun.

But this incident happened in Nov 2010, months before I left home, so I was still in India then.

It was around 6 pm in evening, sun was about to set. I was driving my motorbike, my father sat behind, we went on some work, finished it and now we were heading back home.

Usually, I love driving motorbike fast, I know its not a good practice and is against the rules, but there are some very good and safe roads which are almost always deserted and you can easily touch the 80 mark on the speedometer, trust me its real fun. But when Dad is with me, I restrict myself to moderate speeds, else I'd have to listen to a lecture on accidents and how to drive safe.

As we approached a turning, the guy riding a motorbike in front of us stopped all of a sudden, he was conversing with some other guys who were on another bike, he was laughing aloud and then took a drastic sharp turn to his left. I pressed down on the brake pedal and managed to avoid collision with his bike. My Dad held onto me and we nearly fell off the bike but thankfully managed to balance.

I was wearing a helmet, I moved my helmet's face shield up and I shouted at the guy. I think I said something like, "Hey, remember that you are on a public road and learn to drive properly" - not exactly sure if I said the same but I said something similar, over time you forget such minor things - but I am 100% sure that I didn't use a bad word/swearing word cause firstly, it is not like me to do and secondly, I had my father along with me and I never spoke any bad language in front of parents.

And moved on just a few yards further, three bikes sped by us and blocked our way, all the guys looked like they were in their early twenties. One of the guys got down a bike, came rushing to us and started swearing at us. I stopped my bike, Dad got down, I was about to take off my helmet when the guy pushed me and I fell down on the road.

Dad helped me get up and when I removed my helmet, the guy sweared and cursed and tried to slap me but missed my cheek, his palm hit my ear. I got furious, my blood boiled, I slapped him back, gave him a solid tight slap. I have the advantage of a large palm and long fingers, thanks to my paternal genes for that, I am sure his head spun for a couple of seconds with that hit.

Two other guys joined in and started hitting me, I hit them back with helmet but then the fourth guy joined in too - I was outnumbered, I hit back too, but it wasn't easy. Four guys started to punch and kick me. In such a helpless situation my strategy was simple - I was targeting only one guy among those four - cause if I can manage to hit out one, I'll be left with three, then manage to hit out one more, will be left with two and so on.

My father along with the help of another passerby pushed them away and pulled me to safety and shouted out loud to stop this all at once. Adrenaline was rushing through my body, blood boiled in my veins. In spite of being pulled away, I tried to go and punch that guy in face who hit me in the stomach, my father slapped me in front of them, "That's enough now, go stand there, I'll talk to them".

I immediately listened to him out of respect and even more for the love I have for him.

Seeing my dad slap me, the guys calmed down instantly - may be they thought they'd get slapped too.

Dad talked to them, he apologized to them on my behalf and requested them to leave the place. He told them it was just a misunderstanding and it was all over and they should forget about it. We were on the side of the road and didn't block any traffic, it wasn't a busy road anyway.

The guys started to leave and dad came back to me. I said, "Why did you say sorry to them? It wasn't my fault".

He said, "Shut up, start the bike, now lets go home".

I started my bike, I was still angry but stayed quiet, dad didn't speak anything to me. We were still far from home, so had to travel another half an hour to reach home.

When we reached our apartments, as I parked the bike, he asked, "Why did you hit them?". I said, "I didn't start the fight, I was pushed away and slapped, what did you expect me to do, take another slap?"

I continued, "I did nothing wrong, it wasn't my fault on the first hand, it was that guy who almost made an accident and then they started swearing and hitting me and what do you expect me to do? Take the hits like a loser? I am not a loser. And you hit me instead of hitting them".

"Stop raising your voice, I am your Dad and don't you dare speak to me so loud. Its all over now, calm down".

I quickly apologized, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice".

We took the lift and went upstairs to our flat. After we went in, he spoke, "What do you think would've happened if I let you hit that guy? They were four and you are one, they'd break your bones."

Mom intervened, "What happened? What went wrong?". She held my hand to check my elbow which got bruised by the road and blood dried on the wound, "Chinni(Chinni is my nickname at home), why are your hands bruised and what are these cuts on your fingers". There were minor cuts on my fingers because of the helmet getting pressed in my left hand.

Dad said, "Your son had a brawl and he thinks he can hit 4 guys of his age."

I said, "I did nothing wrong".

"No you did", said Dad. "You shouldn't have made a provocative comment at that guy. There would never be a fight".

"I just warned him that it was a public road, it wasn't a nasty comment. That guy needed a proper punch on his face, he deserved it, he is an ass...(I cut that word down immediately)". I never used a swearing word in front of my family, so I just said - he is such an 'ass'.

"And then what happens? That guy would want to punch on your face too and not just one, but three others would punch you. You are not a body builder and this is not like films where one guy can hit four. And mind you, you are on the street in the middle of a road. I was young once too and I know what it's like at your age - but you should identify your strengths first before taking action. If there was only one guy, he'd never get into the fight with you, they were a group, so you should back off immediately when you sense danger".

"I need not be a bodybuilder, I do weight training, push ups, pull ups, etc. I may look slim but I've got very good muscle stamina and pain resistance and I have strong bones too, I would've taught them a proper lesson. And I was taller than all of them. I'd have kicked the hell outta them".

He said, "Lifting dumbbells isn't called weight training and you grew up with good moral values, I don't want to see my son in a street brawl hitting people."

I tried to further support myself but he said, "Stop arguing now, enough of this topic. I know it wasn't your fault but in life you have to be calm to be strong. A strong man is not someone who can fight with people, the strongest among men is one who can control his anger and stay calm".

Dad had the final word.

Coming to the dumbbells story, I used to go to my cousin's place in the evenings to lift dumbbells and use his bodybuilding equipment. It was fun to train with people than training alone. And it was more fun doing arm-wrestling with him and his friends. The 'arm-wrestling' part was a secret at home cause if they knew I do that, they'd stop me from going there.

Later after we finished dinner, I went into the kitchen.

Mom was in the kitchen, I explained to her about everything that happened. She said, "Chinni, what do you think would've happened to you if you were alone? God was kind to you allowing your Dad to be with you".

I said, "If I was alone, they'd all beat me up and I'd come home with bruises more severe than what I have now. But it is better to fight and get defeated rather than being cowardly and backing off".

She said, "It is not about being a coward or brave, it is about being 'sensible'. Do you understand that it could've been worse than you think? You could get beaten so badly and end up in a hospital, guys of your age are not sensible enough to stop with kicks - sometimes it can get brutal".

Not until she said that did I realize that I was wrong in wanting to fight. I wished if I was 'more sensible'...

Later when we sat down watching TV, the topic came up again. Dad was more relaxed now, he said, "Sorry Chinni beta for slapping you, it was only to save you from the guys hitting you, look at your bruises, you'd be in more pain had I not stopped you. I couldn't see my son being beaten up by people, you won't understand it now at this age but in future when you have a son of your own, you'd understand me better".

I got up and went and sat next to Dad and said, "I am sorry too, Daddy you saved me with a slap today, not until Mom told me that I realized that it could've been worse, I might've ended up in a hospital". I held his palm in my hands and said, "Thank you for saving me". He laughed, "May be if I were in your place, I'd have done the same or even worse, I'd have beaten them up black and blue." Hearing that Mom said, "Like father, like son". I laughed at what she said.

But pain wasn't new to me, everyone who goes to college and then to Uni, who has fun with friends, who plays a lot of sports - knows exactly what physical pain is like. You get injured quite a lot of times while playing cricket/football and you can't rest in the middle of the game, so you continue playing and you sweat and the salt from your sweat touches your wound and it hurts like hell, but I've tasted that kinda pain, so it wasn't new to me.

I am reminded of another incident, there were many such experiences in college life, but just like to mention this one. It was in 1st year of Mechanical Engineering, shortly after my birthday, I was given birthday bumps - I am sure you all know what are birthday bumps - basically you get hit or punched by your friends - usually one birthday bump for every year in your age, so if you have turned 20, then every friend of yours gives you 20 bumps each.

After I took the bumps, one of my classmate continued to hit more. I warned him, told him its over and I had enough of them and that he had hit me sufficiently, now he needs to stop that. He argued on that and we had an argument and I punched him hard in his stomach and my hand was sprained, I sensed a lot of pain in my right palm, when I looked at my fingers I noticed that the sharp edge(a kind of metal design spike) on his belt buckle tore into and cut into the skin on my right hand index and middle fingers - blood oozed and I was equally hurt.

The cut was deep, blood dripped from the wound for at least ten minutes before it clotted and don't ask me how strong the punch was, that guy fell down on the floor after that, some of our mutual friends lifted him up and got him a glass of water. The incident happened in the evening after classes got finished for that day, no lecturer or staff noticed it else, a complaint would've immediately gone to the Head of the Department.

You can notice those scars even today on my fingers, after nearly a decade since the incident - you can imagine how deep the cut must be.

We were both in pain and the guy threatened that he'll complain on me to the principal. I rubbished that threat by telling him that I don't care and he can go and complain to anyone he likes. 

Trust me, I am a person who stands very strong like a mountain if I believe I am doing right/true, but if I know I am wrong, I'll be the first person to apologize. So, I made it clear to him that he was wrong - he was the first to provoke me, he swore against my parents and my sister I am not gonna tolerate such abusive words against my family.

Though I made it clear to him, later after I washed my wound and felt better, my friends told me to end that matter there and apologize to him and not take it further. I went to him, he was sitting in the bus and I told him sorry for hitting him. He was sorry too to have argued for silly reasons.

At home, I was asked what happened to my fingers, I lied that I hurt myself while playing cricket, else it'd turn a big topic. But I am a person who is useless at lying, I feel guilty immediately, so I had to confess and it was to my Mom. 

I requested her to hold it a secret for me - it wasn't new to her, I guess it was the millionth time I was requesting her to save me and hold a secret. She's the best at holding secrets to herself which saved me from many beatings and scoldings from Dad during my childhood.

I became good friends with the guy and we laughed about it when we were into 2nd year and later as years passed, we forgot about it. From that incident, I've learnt that anger is something that burns both the people - the person himself and the receiving one too.

I've tried to explain both the above incidents to the best of my knowledge - but if you ask my Mum about these, the first thing she'll talk about is the injuries and bruises I got and how they took a week to heal :)

Years after such incidents, a lot changed in me, I believe that am 'wiser' and more 'sensible' now, I would judge the situation before reacting to it, I am calmer and moved too far from anger. If I go back in time, I wouldn't be shouting at the guy and there wouldn't be a fight at all. So, I conclude this post with the below quote:

Have a wonderful day : )

Take care :)