What am I bringing to the table in my relationship?

Since the last 8 years of blogging, I've been writing posts, poems and letters on - love, romance and relationships. But there is always something new to share about love; cause it's true that love makes life beautiful :)

Courtesy of pictures in this post: Non-copyrighted Google Images

If I were to start a relationship today, let me tell you what am I bringing to the table:

• Listen to her, understand her, accept her and will value her for who she really is

• Respect her time, space and her decisions in life

• Genuinely love her, care for her and will always give her my true affection

• Honestly appreciate and compliment her for all the good things she does

• She will always have 100% of her freedom and I will never boss her around

• Won't pressure her into anything that she doesn't want to do

• Sense of humour, laughter, playfulness and adventure to keep things upbeat and positive

• Being honest, trustworthy, fidelity, dependable, reliable, committed, loyal and devoted

• Will sing, play music, entertain and cook delicious meals for her

• Will work hard to provide a clean, cosy and comfy home for both of us and our families

• Give her confidence and will help her achieve all her dreams and goals in her life

• Will say prayers to God together with her - praying together as a couple

• Will maintain balance between being predictable and being randomly spontaneous to keep things fresh, engaging and exciting.

• Stick around when things get tough and will be her pillar of strength

• Will remember all her likes and dislikes, her favourite chocolates and pizza toppings

• Will cuddle and read books for her all Sunday afternoon to keep her happy

• Will make regular trips to the beach, cinema, travel on a boat, go for vacation on a cruise to keep her happy

• Passionate in providing physical affection; will be a sensual, attentive lover to lead a healthy, active, monogamous sex life

• Will provide her 100% security - both financially as well as personally

• Will support her in dealing with the complexities, ups and down of life, will make her feel safe and will be her protector

I strongly believe that all of the above lead to a very happy and healthy relationship!! :)

Have a great Sunday!! :)

Cheers!! :)

5 Things I look for in a Girl...Part 2

Continued from 5 Things I look for in a Girl...Part 1

I dunno if you'd got the chance to completely read Part 1, I know it's long, well I didn't intend to write so much on the first point but to me forgiveness is the key to a healthy relationship.

Courtesy of all the pictures in this post: Internet

Anyway, I shall keep this post brief, below are my list of 5 things I look for in a girl:

1.) Forgiveness: We've discussed this in Part 1.

2.) Genuine Openness:

My girl being open and genuine to me would mean a lot to me cause I am genuine too. Genuinity/honesty is important in close relationships cause it is the foundation on which trust is built.

By saying openness, I mean being open-minded. If a person is open it is very easy to communicate with them because they share everything - they express feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires, which allows you to truly know them. Open people are very approachable when you got something to say.

3.) Trustworthy:

Trust, reliability, dependability - is to have that confidence in my girl and to be able to feel warm, comfortable and safe with her both physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship continue to build together and as the relationship progresses, mutual trust will work with mutual respect to bond them even closer leading to stronger commitment in the relationship.

4.) Romantic:

If both the couple are romantic, then you needn't wait for 14th Feb, cause every single day's gonna be a Valentine's day. Romance adds excitement and happy surprises in a relationship. Also romance pampers both physical and emotional intimacy between the two lovers.

Choosing randomly from the date night jar will make the date more adventurous.

Going out on date nights with your partner, enjoying a meal together, sharing a hug, a kiss or a simple peck on the cheek - anything romantic is gonna spice up the relationship.

5.) Sense of humour

Having a good sense of humor definitely improves closeness between both the lovers and in case of misunderstanding, the tense moments can be lighted up easily. Being able to laugh makes life much easier and to be able to laugh with a loved one is life’s greatest joy.

I've got good sense of humour and if my girl has too, then we can make each other laugh. I believe that if both the lovers can laugh out loud together then they can easily solve any sensitive topic that might arise on the long-run in a relationship. Couple need to be playful and teasing which will help them easily defuse any potentially volatile situations with their humor.

So, to conclude, I am looking for a girl who is forgiving, genuine and open-minded, trustworthy, romantic and has a good sense of humour :)

What are the 5 things that you look for or have already found in your partner? It would be interesting to read, so please share them in the comments column.

Have a great day!! :) Cheers :) 

5 Things I look for in a Girl...Part 1

Over the years I've been writing a lot on love, romance and relationships, but this particular post is more personal cause I am gonna share the qualities I am looking for in a girl/girlfriend. Beyond Barriers... is a diary of my life, someday I will look back at these pieces of writing and will cherish them as memories.

I am gonna write the 5 things as series of posts just to avoid a single post running into too many pages. So, welcome to the series, below is part 1 :)

Disclaimer: Everything I discuss here is purely based on my personal opinion and choice and do not reflect social norms.

Courtesy of all the pictures in this post: Internet

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." - Jane Austen,  Pride and Prejudice. 

I can relate to this quote cause I am single and looking to meet the right girl and although I'm not in possession of riches, I am hard working, ambitious and self-confident that I am gonna have a stable and progressive career :) 

Below are the 5 things I look for in a girl:

1. Forgiveness
2. Genuine Openness
3. Trustworthy
4. Romantic
5. Sense of humour

1.) Forgiveness:

The ability to forgive is the first and the most important attribute I look for in a girl with whom I'd want to start a relationship.

Forgiveness is a blessing to mankind. It is a sign of strength and not weakness. Remember Mark Twain's beautiful quote, "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

My expectation of her forgiveness is only for silly, small day-to-day mistakes which we all make inadvertently. I don't expect forgiveness for blunders done deliberately/intentionally cause I wouldn't do them anyway.

And just because she is forgiving, doesn't mean that I will keep on repeating my mistakes - Nah! I would love her too much to ever hurt her.

Forgiveness comes 1st in my list because we all lead busy stressful lives where there is a scope for error cause nobody is perfect. 

Doesn't matter how much you both have in common, over the long-run it is the understanding that counts and if both the guy and girl are forgivers, they can build a very healthy and happy relationship.

Last year one of my colleagues looked stressed one morning and when asked why, he shared an incident with our team and told us that his girlfriend doesn't forgive easily. She is harsh on him for small errors. And every time there is a misunderstanding between the couple, it's very stressful for him cause it takes a lot of effort from his side to get the relationship back to normal and that stress reflects in his work life.

The other day, I mentioned to him that I am writing a blog post and would like to give the experience he shared with our team as an example for a blog post. He said that I am more than welcome to use his experience but told me not to mention any names.

To respect his privacy, I wouldn't mention any names and I have changed the story to make myself as the first person and also changed the items that were part of the original story. But the misunderstanding/unforgiving part remains unchanged.

Here's my fictional example of forgiving and unforgiving girls:

Assume me and my missus live together in a house in a beautiful village which is located on the outskirts of the city. And as there is no store at a walk-able distance, so we normally visit the supermarket once every weekend to buy all the required stuff for the week. And last weekend we were unable to visit the store cause of a friend's birthday party.

On Monday morning she gives me a list of things to buy as the super market is closer to my workplace and asks if I can visit the store after finishing work and get few bits and pieces that will do us for the rest of the week until we go for our main shop over the weekend. I agree with her idea and she says, "Make sure you don't forget my shampoo, it is important".

My side of the story:

I go to work and that day happens to be a worse day with unexpected topics arising which require urgent solution and I run around all day resolving issues and get stressed and I end up finishing an hour late and I am completely knackered.

I text my missus asking, "I am very tired, been a bad day at work, so not in a mood to do any shopping. Is there anything urgent? Can that shampoo wait until tomorrow? I will defo buy all the stuff on the list after work tomorrow, is that alright?".

She doesn't reply to my text. Then I give a ring and she doesn't pick up. So I decide to make my own decision to skip the shopping and return home.

I am in the middle of driving and my phone rings as I am stuck in the middle of traffic I am unable to pull off the road and pick her call, so I don't pick the call and just continue driving home.

I park my car, check the missed call and walk into the house.

Her side of the story:

She is back from work, she had a phone call from one of her best friends so she ends up talking longer on phone than normal. Then she goes to take a shower.

Once she is out of shower, she notices the missed call and text. Checks it and finds out that I am not going to the supermarket. She realizes she ran out of shampoo and tomorrow she has an important meeting at work where she is supposed to give a presentation so she definitely needs to wash her hair in the morning - to look good and feel good. That presentation is very important to her cause it can possible get her a promotion if the management are impressed.

She tries to ring me telling me to bring her the particular brand of shampoo which she uses cause it is important to her for to use it the next day morning. I don't pick my phone and she wonders if I am driving.

Now I am back home - now let us look at the difference in two types of girls: one who is forgiving (FG) and the other who is unforgiving (UFG).

I walk into my house and knock on the door. She opens the door. Like our normal routine - she gives me a kiss as soon as I walk in - we normally kiss when we are back home.

FG: How are you doing? You look knackered, I got your text but sorry I was in the shower, I tried to ring you back but you didn't pick.

Me: Yeah been a very stressful day at work. I'm sorry I didn't know you were in the shower, I couldn't pick your call as I was driving. You are not normally in the shower at that time, you finish earlier than that, don't you?

FG: Yeah, I normally do but today I had a call from my best friend and I spoke to her longer than usual. I forgot to mention this morning that I have a meeting tomorrow and I need to give a presentation and I need to wash my hair but I completely ran out of shampoo. Hence the reason I said shampoo was important. How I wish I had told you about my meeting and you would've brought the shampoo on your way back - may be from another store.

Me: I am very sorry I didn't know about your meeting, else I'd have visited the supermarket for you. I wish I had waited for your call back before I started driving back home.

FG: How I wish I had planned my stuff properly, I don't know what to do now.

She looks upset. And it would break my heart to see her sad, I can't bear to see her upset.

Me: Let me take a shower and then we'll go out for dinner and on our way back we'll buy your shampoo.

FG: No, don't worry I've already prepared food sufficient for both of us. I don't want it to go in waste.

Me: Ok, let's finish our dinner first then we shall go out for a chocolate dessert/ice cream and on our way back we'll get the shampoo.

FG: But you had a busy day, you are tired and why do you wanna waste fuel driving all the way to the town.

Me: That drive is well worth our money cause I can spend my time with my princess and we can get some fresh air, feel relaxed and we also get to enjoy our dessert in a pub. And shampoo is only a bonus cause we gonna buy it on our way back.

FG: !!Laughs!! Sounds like a plan. We understand each other so well, we are indeed a perfect team.

So, with a forgiving girl, I believe I can have a very understanding relationship cause I am forgiving too and generous as well.

Now let me briefly mention what the unforgiving girl would do.

I knock the door, she opens the door and walks away. Doesn't give a kiss and when I walk close to her, try to hold her for a kiss, she sulks, turns her face away and walks away from me. She is in a mood, grumpy, angry and ready to complain. When I tell her that I had a bad day at work and that I am not aware of her meeting. She starts

UFG: When I gave you the list this morning, I clearly told you that shampoo was most important.

Me: I agree you said it was important but you didn't tell me you need it to use tomorrow morning for the meeting. I thought you said it was important that I don't forget it. But I didn't knew there was a deadline.

UFG: You don't give a shit about me and my stuff. You sent a text and called me when I was in shower, so couldn't you have waited 5 minutes before driving back home, don't you know I normally call back as soon as I check my phone? 

Me: But why were you in the shower that late? Normally you finish early don't you?

UFG: I was on phone with my friend but do I really need to justify to you on what I do at home? And on what time I need to take a shower, that's my wish. Couldn't you have pulled off the road and picked my phone call. I don't mean anything to you. Blah........blah..........blah......... 

Me: Her words piss me off so much that I say, "Ok, I accept it was my mistake that I didn't get it, get ready now and we will go to dinner and on our way back we'll buy the shampoo".

UFG: "Forget it, I've already prepared food and I am in no mood to go out for dinner with you after what you did. You love work more than me, you are a workaholic. Even I work hard and doesn't mean that I just postpone things from my personal life.

I try to be patient and not lose my cool over such a small topic.

UFG: I am going out now myself and will get the shampoo. What a waste of my fuel. You said you are tired so you stay home. It is better I get my own stuff from now on and not depend on you. If you are hungry, eat your portion of the food and I will eat mine when I'm back".

Me: Why would you say that, didn't I ever do/get anything for you? Let's have dinner together and then we shall both go out together for a dessert. We can get some fresh air, relax a bit and spend sometime together at the pub and then we shall get the shampoo on our way back home.

UFG: Forget it, by the time we eat dinner and then go for a dessert and then buy the shampoo, it'll be late and I want to go to bed early tonight cause I need to sleep enough to feel fresh tomorrow for my presentation.

I've got no energy to continue this discussion and didn't want to turn it into an argument. So I keep quiet.

Me: Ok, do whatever pleases you.

She will go buy shampoo and because I am too hungry and couldn't wait to eat something - I end up having dinner on my own. And when I lay on the couch watching TV, she'll be back home and again is grumpy. She eats her dinner without speaking a word to me and goes to bed.

Whereas a forgiving girl would forgive easily - hence avoiding a lot of misunderstandings. She spends the evening with me. We'll have a dessert together and as we walk on the High Street, she notices in the display a pair of beautiful earrings which I promise to buy for her upcoming birthday - she is super excited. She is happy and in turn I find my happiness within her happiness.

Next morning:

Relationship with an Unforgiving Girl: Stress builds up in the relationship cause she is daft and fussy about everything and reacts to every silly mistake. She still loves me the same, so even she feels stressed by what happened yesterday evening. And I love her too and feel guilty for not having done the shopping. That stress will reflect at work for both of us. I'll go to office and am not fully efficient and she gives her presentation, makes errors because she is still mad at me.

Relationship with a Forgiving Girl: We both are happy at work cause we've got nothing to worry about the relationship and she gives a fantastic presentation cause her heart is full of love from me and she is a very optimistic and positive person. She will smile whenever she remembers the jokes I told her during having our dessert and she is thankful and joyful that I have promised to buy her those beautiful earrings which she wants to have.

Forgiveness is an important characteristic in every human being - both guys and girls. A forgiving partner will not let any bad incident create a disturbance in their relationship.

They will listen to what you have to honestly say and will try and understand what kinda circumstances led you to make the mistake and if they trust that you are telling the truth, they will forgive you. And you gotta make up for your mistake by giving them double the happiness to compensate the pain/discomfort you had caused them.

If two people are willing to forgive each other, life's gonna be simple and happy, cause in case of conflict of ideas, things could be resolved easily cause they are willing to pardon each other as they love the relationship more than their ego.

Have a great evening. See you later in Part 2 :)

Cheers!! :)